


Written in the Starlight

by theorytale



Series: The Saga of Hug Fortress [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Fantastic Racism, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:00:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27463807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theorytale/pseuds/theorytale
Summary: Thor has always watched his brother. But more and more, it feels like he's always watched his brother fall.
Relationships: Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Series: The Saga of Hug Fortress [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/18939
Comments: 89
Kudos: 189





	Written in the Starlight

**Author's Note:**

> Overlaps basically all of Hug Fortress through to the end of chapter 25.
> 
> I don't know if this is necessarily "unreliable narrator" so much as "not necessarily reliable narrator", but that difference is probably splitting hairs and also I'm probably overthinking it. So, uh, (*throws story into the archive and runs*) enjoy!

Once upon a time, Thor had been preparing for his coronation, his brother by his side, and they had both been happy. Or at least, he had believed they were both happy. Then Thor defied his father's command, was banished, Loki sent the Destroyer to attack him, Loki tried to destroy _Jotunheim_... and had... fallen.

Thor could remember the look on Loki's face all too well; the utter loss and despair. It was etched into his mind like an enchantment, never to wear away. And then Odin had explained: Loki had found out he was adopted. Had found out he was... a frost giant.

Somehow, with that knowledge, the question of why Loki had tried to destroy so much, so suddenly... well, it made a little more sense. It must have been a great shock to Loki, but also, frost giants were not exactly known for their even tempers.

It made a little sense, and Thor clung to it as one of the few things that _did_ make any sense in the days after Loki's death. Because Loki had fallen and the Loki that Thor knew would have never-- Loki bent propriety sometimes but would never do something as vile as-- falling. Loki had fallen, and Thor mourned.

Time passed. Thor had bracers commissioned with the image of Loki's helm embossed upon them, and he wore them wherever he went. He kept turning to tell Loki something, whatever thought crossed his mind, and being reminded anew that Loki was gone.

Thor wished bitterly he had listened to Odin and not gone to Jotunheim that fateful day; if he had not, then none of it would have happened, and Loki would still be with him, and they would be happy...

...Or at least, he would believe they were both happy.

Thor's thoughts went round and round, and then one day he was summoned to the throne to be told that Loki was alive and mustering an army, that Loki sought to attack Midgard - just as the frost giants had done a thousand years before, sparking the last war with Asgard.

Thor did not know how to respond. Odin gathered as much dark energy as he could to send Thor to Midgard, to an airship that held Loki and some Midgardians, and Thor took hold of his brother and...

It was the first time he'd seen Loki in over a year; he could only think of Loki's face, the despair and loss and Loki falling, falling, falling away; Loki had _left him_ and Thor almost couldn't speak for rage and grief and bewilderment. He didn't trust what he might say so he forced himself to focus on the mission Odin had given him, and ask, _Where is the Tesseract?_ because at least those words he could not get wrong.

Loki _laughed_ at him. Sneered, _I missed you too,_ and Thor nearly brought Mjölnir down on Loki's head. He did not understand who this frost giant was who wore his brother's skin. He had missed Loki, mourned Loki, and Loki dared to mock that? Loki had let them believe him dead, had _fallen_ in a way that Thor relived over and over whenever he was left to his own thoughts, and now Loki _mocked_ him?

Thor wanted to scream and shout, wanted to weep with grief and relief, and it was with great struggle that he maintained any sort of composure at all.

That did not really change over the next years. Oh, they defeated Loki and Thor took him back to Asgard with the Tesseract, but Loki did not stay locked up in the dungeon for long. Loki traveled the Nine Realms, causing mischief and destruction, and eventually it was decided that Thor should be based on Midgard to assist them in those times when Loki came, for the Midgardians did not have the strength that other realms had.

Loki seemed so cruel and angry now, and Thor wondered if it had always been this way and he simply hadn't seen it. Then, one day, a simple taunt from the Iron Man changed everything.

\--

At first, Loki didn't seem bothered by taunts. He always had one better, some quick word to sling back, and Thor was both impressed and envious of his brother's wit. For a while after Balder died Loki grew touchier, and stormed away from one of Fandral's jests on a number of occasions, but gradually he calmed, and the quick retorts made their return.

Loki's smile was never quite the same, though.

\--

Tony Stark was odd, for a warrior. Oh, Thor knew well that most Midgardians did not segregate themselves that way; Stark was a warrior, a smith, a scientist, a figure of influence, and numerous other roles. Stark also seemed to disregard propriety in ways that Thor had to admit were somewhat familiar; Stark addressed all around him - even those who were supposedly his superiors - with the same degree of casual confidence. There were times when Stark was so familiar that Thor almost hated him, and those too were the times he liked Stark the most.

It was... complicated.

One day Stark taunted Loki in the street, and instead of rising to the bait and firing insults back, Loki... fell. It was the only word Thor could think of to describe Loki's expression, the same loss and despair. Loki was always falling, falling, and Thor couldn't reach him.

Loki fell on that street, and Iron Man got in between Loki and Thor, and Thor didn't know it yet but that was the beginning of something. Stark would be unavailable, then emerge looking shocked to be alive, and as time went on the shock grew less common and a certain wariness grew instead.

Thor could not be sure whether Loki wanted someone to talk to, whether he had some deeper scheme, or whether he just wanted to destroy. Once, Thor had believed they both knew one another's minds... but since his abandoned coronation it was obvious he did not know Loki at all.

\--

The craftswoman was called Angrboda, and she was a storm giant. She made spears and axes, mighty weapons, and Loki was fascinated. For many days, Thor endured his brother's absence while Loki watched the giant go about her work. Thor didn't realize Loki was working _with_ her until he returned with the set of mistletoe arrows, sleek and sharp and toxic.

The arrows thrummed with a power that Thor could feel, when he held them - they felt like Mjölnir in a way, but at the same time utterly different. Potency lay coiled inside their smooth shafts and shining tips. Loki was proud and smug, and Thor...

He wasn't _afraid_. He was just disturbed by Loki embracing magecraft so strongly. They were weapons, made for death, but all the same it was hard to justify this use of magic as lies and mischief. It must be, somehow, for Loki would never defile his domain. But Thor hadn't realized Loki was so skilled. He realized, then, that Loki _didn't_ run to show him each new trick, as he'd thought. Loki must have been practicing in privacy to gain such power. The thought made him uneasy, though he couldn't say why.

The arrows always struck their target, and killed whatever they struck; Loki brought them along on hunting trips and the size of beast he could bring down was extraordinary. He couldn't use them in the training yards, but one day Hodur took up the wrong quiver and struck Balder with one of the arrows.

Frigga had taken Loki away to speak to him in private, and Thor did not know what she had said but Loki was very quiet afterwards. Odin ordered the arrows destroyed, never to harm another living soul.

Hodur was not punished; it was deemed a genuine accident. But he felt guilt all the same, and withdrew somewhat from Thor and Loki's company; things never really returned to how they'd been beforehand.

\--

Tony Stark was a craftsman. Suddenly it made a lot more sense why Loki would spend time with a mortal when he hated Midgardians so. Thor could not describe the chill that ran through him when he found out. Oh, he believed that Balder's death was an accident... but Loki now was very different from Loki then, and such deaths would not be accidental any longer. The idea of that kind of power in Loki's hands was deeply troubling.

Worse when it turned out Tony had already _made_ Loki something. A cellphone didn't seem like a weapon, but Thor could only guess at how Loki would use it. A phone was for communication, for talking, and Loki was dangerous enough with words already. Would it allow him to persuade people of any fact, lure them to his side? Would it enable him to contact allies in far away places without needing a messenger service that could be tracked? Or would it do something Thor couldn't even dream of, that would somehow bring ruin to his friends on Midgard?

He fretted. Could hear the Loki of old in his mind, mocking him for his worries. But Loki was not the Loki of old, and that was the very problem.

He went to Asgard, to ask those more knowledgeable about the magical arts, and Frey was emphatic that Loki as he was now - vicious and unfettered - should not be allowed near one with a craftsman's skills. The gods of sorcery were afraid, and told Thor that if he could not stop Loki, he must stop the craftsman. After all, one short-lived Midgardian would hardly be missed.

Thor was furious and let them know it, for the Midgardians might shy away from a friendly embrace but they were friends nonetheless, and shield-brothers. They might not be Asgardian but they were precious in their own way.

The advice - sacrifice Stark to keep Loki from becoming even more dangerous - was troubling in more than one way. For wasn't one of Loki's crimes the way he took so many Midgardian lives, without cause or concern? Didn't Thor try and keep trying to make Loki see that Midgardians were not beneath them? The mages Thor spoke to had reason for their suggestion, but the comparison still made Thor uneasy.

Loki, though, had killed without cause, and in far greater numbers; Thor could not deny that. Nor was it Loki's only crime.

\--

Much of their childhood was spent on the training grounds, learning to slice at each other with swords. Tyr trained them, told them stories of the war against the frost giants, the battles that he'd seen. Their age-mates trained with them; Sif and Balder and Fandral, taking turns at playing warrior, and Loki was always most ferocious when they played that he was defending Asgard.

\--

Tony was struck down in battle, defending a group of Midgardians who had spoken foully of Asgard, and it didn't escape Thor's notice that for all Loki claimed to have no care for his former home, he did take offense on Asgard's behalf.

It might have been a small thing, but then Hel's Hand came for Tony, the black infection spreading across the front of his shoulder. Thor hadn't realized that Midgardians were _that_ frail.

He came home to ask for aid, and at first Odin refused him. Thor argued long and hard, but had no success until his mother came to stand at his side and make a case for helping Stark.

Odin granted enough ointment to save Tony's life, and no more, and Thor took it gratefully back to the Midgardians. He thought that would be the end of it, but Tony came to him and told him that Midgardian healing was not just slow but time-bound, that if it did not happen fast enough Tony would never regain the use of his arm.

The design of Midgardian bodies seemed sometimes so cruel, but there was nothing Thor could do; he would not be allowed any more healing medicines, and he certainly couldn't take Tony to Asgard for treatment.

He dwelled on the unfairness for several days, trying to think of some solution, and then one morning Jane phoned him.

_Thor,_ she said shakily, _have you seen the news?_

 _No,_ he said curiously. _Why, what has happened?_

 _It's Loki,_ Jane said. _At a hospital in Kentucky. I don't understand what he's trying to achieve, it doesn't make any sense--_

With a sick sense of dread, Thor asked, _What has he done?_ He hated to think Loki had fallen so far as to attack a hall of healing, where the people were injured and defenseless.

But what Jane told him was so much worse.

\--

When they were young, Thor did not understand why Loki was so enthralled by magic tricks. Loki was unmistakably a warrior, a bringer of death, and so it made no sense that he would have such an aptitude for something so linked to the energies of life. Thor said a number of cruel things before their mother pointed out to him that Loki was a god of lies and that illusions and trickery were naturally part of his domain.

It became something of a game after that; Loki would learn some new trick, and show it off proudly, and Thor would try to work out how it fit with Lies and Mischief. Some were harder to understand than others. But Loki knew his limits; would bend the rules but never break them ( ~~not until he fell~~ ).

\--

Thor burst onto the team level filled with grief and rage. Loki had done the unthinkable (falling, always falling) and it couldn't be who Loki was, Loki _wouldn't_ (that look of utter despair as he fell), so it had to be Tony Stark's influence.

He swung his fist, but Natasha was already knocking Tony out of the way. Thor leveled Mjölnir at Tony, almost trembling with the force of the emotion that ran through him. All he could see in his mind's eye was Loki falling away, one arm outstretched, eyes filled with tears. It couldn't happen again. It couldn't. It _mustn't_.

 _You were supposed to help him, not encourage his iniquity!_ Thor cried out, his vision blurring. _Stand and fight, you coward!_

Not again... please, not again.

Steve was shouting at him, others in the room had their guns drawn, but it wasn't as if Midgardian weapons would do him much harm. Nothing like the harm Tony had already caused, in all his casual arrogance.

Thor took a ragged breath, trying to just stop _seeing_ it-- and then Tony blurted, as the Iron Man armor wrapped around him, _Magic vase!_

 _What nonsense do you speak?_ Thor demanded. _Do you deny your part in this?_

 _He used a magic vase,_ Tony said, and Thor's heart skipped. 

Thor wanted desperately to believe it, and that made him wary. That was the very same way Loki would lie to him when they were younger, by telling him what he most wanted to hear. He looked at the Captain, not trusting his own judgement. _Is there proof of this?_

 _SHIELD has the remains of the artifact,_ Natasha said.

Thor staggered, lowering Mjölnir. It wasn't... he hadn't... Loki hadn't. Of course Loki hadn't. Loki might be filled with nothing but anger anymore, but Thor had _fought_ him, he knew there were lines Loki didn't cross. How could he have believed so easily-- Was it true, then, the things Loki shouted at him sometimes? Did Thor only see his brother as a monster?

He could still see Loki falling in his mind's eye and he offered dazed apologies to Tony while thinking only of how badly he wanted to be out of this room. He wanted privacy to fully understand what had just happened.

He wanted to stop seeing Loki fall.

\--

Balder made Loki laugh. Thor felt strange when he noticed it. He didn't like when his brother's attention was on Balder and not himself. He retaliated by spending his time with Sif and Fandral, but all that seemed to accomplish was that when Loki did spend time with him they used it in fighting between themselves.

Tyr thrashed Thor on the training grounds and told him that he must focus in battle, that a moment's distraction could cost a warrior his life.

\--

Thor gave a second apology, a better one, to Tony at their next meeting. He felt better with a plan of action, something that would protect Tony and Loki both. _I have given the matter considerable thought,_ he explained. _Both the ease with which you might be damaged and how unfair it is to expect you to understand what is right for one of Asgard. I think it is best for both you and Loki if the two of you no longer speak._

Tony was not well pleased, but Thor at this point didn't much care. Although he had jumped to conclusions about Loki's actions at the Midgardian healing halls, he had spoken enough with Tony Stark to know the man held no regard for the Norns' weaving nor for the sacredness of an Asgardian's domain. Loki did not need further enticing to

_fall_

stray.

 _It is no fault of your own,_ he told Tony, and ignored the strange swoop he felt in his chest when he said it. _The responsibilities we Asgardians hold are ours to bear, as the Norns have laid out. If Midgardians were meant to contend with such matters you would have done so from the beginning. But that does mean, perhaps, that there is little for Loki to gain from your... guidance._

There was no good to be gained from Loki spending his time with Tony, and too much at risk. Tony did not understand the basic foundation of what it meant to be Asgardian, and if he couldn't understand that much, how could he lead Loki to a new balance? It was only poisonous Midgardian ideas that Tony would speak into Loki's ears, and that was just... too dangerous.

 _I have said I mean no offense by it, but it is time for these talks to cease,_ Thor said, and that - he thought - was the end of the matter.

\--

It was not long after Balder's death, a couple of months, perhaps. Loki had been quiet at first, then began to talk back, arguing with their tutors and provoking fights.

The worst was when Loki was arguing with Tyr on the training grounds, over some stupid point of history, and out of nowhere Loki snarled that Tyr--

Well, Thor did not like to think of it. He stood there in horror; part disbelief that Loki would even say such a thing, part sudden terror that he was about to watch his brother die. Tyr challenged Loki to holmgang of course, because what else could he do? Thor watched with tears running down his face, expecting each blow to be the last, until Tyr disarmed Loki in a smooth move and slammed the hilt of his sword hard against Loki's head.

Loki fell to the ground but he was alive, and Thor babbled his gratitude to Tyr, sick with how close he'd come to losing his brother entirely. When Loki awoke, he meekly apologized, recanted his words, and that was the last of it.

\--

Tony came to them with a name, one from childhood tales, and much to Thor's amazement Frigga scried and found it true. Tony told them then of a plan he had, a satellite defense network that would combine Loki's magic with his own skills at crafting.

Thor could think of few things that were stupider.

Last time Loki had worked together with a craftsman, their friend Balder had been killed. That was long ago, in the days when Loki had seemed happy. Now, when Loki was openly angry and malicious, Tony wanted to put that kind of power in his hands?

Tony spoke of supervision and safeguards, and all but said that he intended to do it anyway. Thor had the option of helping guard the artifact as they crafted, or of wondering what was happening behind the team's backs.

Loki would agree, Thor knew; would not be able to resist the lure of such power. It was still a terrible idea, but it _would_ be safer if he was there to watch... and, there were things he sorely wanted to say to Loki. Things that Tony had made him realize that Asgard had not done well.

He wanted to know if it would make a difference, or if this - the frost giant that wore his brother's skin - was the real Loki, uncovered.

Thor approached Tony after the team meeting, and gave his agreement as well as a reminder to be wary of Loki's tricks. This had the potential to go very wrong for all of them, but (like Loki) when Tony Stark was set on a course of action, it was difficult to dissuade him.

True enough, Tony came to him later and confirmed that Loki had agreed, and when they had decided to begin. Thor came to the workshop that day with some trepidation.

There were Asgardian flowers sitting off to one side, and Thor was surprised to see them until he realized where they must have come from. They were a little wilted so they had clearly been there for some time. It was a nice gesture, something to brighten up the room in which Tony did his crafting. Good to know Loki was still capable of nice gestures.

 _It's not as it seems, {acknowledgement}?_ Tony said.

Thor was bemused at first, and then he wondered if there was a Midgardian custom he was unaware of. It would be just like Loki to find out how to give insult while retaining plausible deniability.

 _Is a gift of flowers considered untoward on Midgard?_ Thor asked, to check. _If he has insulted you with these, I will make it_ quite _clear to him--_

_No, no, nothing untoward. A couple of the others... didn't like the idea of Loki giving me things, that's all. It's fine._

Thor did not quite understand why Tony seemed ruffled, if the flowers were just as they seemed, a friendly gift. Thor might not approve of Tony spending time with Loki - he worried for them both in different ways - but surely a gift was harmless enough. Midgardians could be strange sometimes. _As you say._

They exchanged idle talk while they waited for Loki, and Thor hoped he did not appear as wracked with nerves as he felt. It was a strange thing, to prepare to speak to Loki, as... if not allies, at least not on opposite sides of a battlefield. Not since everything had changed between them had Thor had the chance to actually speak to Loki and expect an answer.

Although of course, it then turned out that 'expecting an answer' was too much to hope, and while Loki would assist with the satellites he would not acknowledge Thor. Nor did he even acknowledge Asgard, instead addressing Tony as his liege as if none of the years he and Thor had grown up side-by-side had ever occurred.

Again, always, Loki turned his back on Asgard, turned his back on what was right, _fell_ \--

In retrospect it was no surprise to Thor that he had taken the bait and started arguing with Loki; the only surprise was Tony's strange weapon that rendered them both unable to move. It was terrifying, yet strangely comforting to know that Tony was not defenseless against Loki's strength. The infection had taken Tony so easily last time Loki had injured him, and Thor knew he would not get such aid from Asgard again, not now that Odin knew Tony was a craftsman.

Thor would be in great trouble himself when what he was doing now came to light. It was weapons Loki and Tony were crafting, and that was respectable enough, but the fact that Thor was abetting in any way Loki's attempts to gain power... The ways that Thor and Tony had come up with to secure the satellites from meddling should have been a reassurance, but Thor could not help but fear they had missed something vital.

\--

When Loki learned to bend light, his favorite thing became to lie about his presence, to follow Thor invisibly and then shimmer into sight right in front of him to startle him. Loki took more than a few cuts from Thor's sword that way, but he was always too busy laughing to complain.

Thor found it less amusing, but Sif was the one who stabbed Loki right through his gut. It probably would have healed well enough on its own but they took him to the healing halls to be on the safe side. Loki, of course, refused to admit he'd done anything wrong, but he did agree to perhaps use that trick a little less often.

\--

Tony was away for a day for some public appearance; the next morning he called a team council and told them he had been attacked. The details were peculiar; apparently the assassin was a man supposed to be long-dead, a friend and shield-brother of Steve's. This man escaped SHIELD's cells, and then Tony proposed something Thor did not like at all.

 _Explain,_ Thor said, cold in his veins.

_If we ask Barnes questions, and he lies, Loki can {metaphor:retrieve-by-digging} those lies._

It was a tidy explanation. Thor was getting sorely tired of the way that being in Tony Stark's very company seemed to make him remember seeing his brother fall. Today he only felt numb. _Many of your plans lately seem to involve my brother's magic,_ he said.

 _Two,_ Tony insisted, and there was more talking between the team and then suddenly Loki was there, shimmering into visibility with a smirk and a flippant comment.

Thor leaped to his feet and drew Mjölnir, but just like every time he saw Loki, there was that inexplicable relief, as though Loki weren't quite real when he wasn't there. But he _was_ real, alive and vibrant and spiteful - made of hard edges instead of joy and mischief.

Except that wasn't quite true, Thor had to admit to himself, because when they had been in Tony's workshop, the more Thor stayed quiet and watched, the more that Loki's focus was drawn to Tony and only Tony... glimpses of that lost joy appeared.

It seemed that Loki was not here to attack. He had the assassin in hand, though he held himself tensely and his eyes constantly swept the room. The team bickered, in their usual way of jokes and banter, but Thor found himself in no mood for such jests with the assassin right there.

It did not sit right with him that Loki was the one to capture the man, that Loki had stepped in and done what Tony's own shield-brothers had not. Sometimes Thor wondered, with this friendship that had grown between Loki and Tony, which of them he was losing. If not both.

 _Enough,_ he declared, frustrated. _This man tried to kill one of our own. He is our enemy._

Maybe if he repeated it enough times then he would believe it.

\--

It was a night not that long before the incident with the craftswoman when Loki came to Thor's rooms, stinking of mead. More morning than night, Thor guessed sourly; but he forgot being tired when Loki threw himself down beside him and started to weep.

 _What is it?_ Thor asked him, worried.

 _They're going to be so angry,_ Loki wailed, sniffling between his words. _Thor, Thor, I made a mistake. I've done something bad. I let him..._

It wasn't like Loki to admit he had erred, and Thor sat up in alarm. _Loki, what's wrong? Is this about a prank you've played? Who's going to be angry?_

Loki didn't answer, only moaned, _Norns..._ and buried his face against Thor's hip.

Thor held him, because he didn't know what else to do, and in the morning Loki laughed and said he didn't remember and that it all must have been the mead. Try as he might, Thor could get no more from him.

\--

Thor nearly came to blows with Tony when the man came back with his arm undamaged. They had all heard the crack of its breaking; they all knew what Loki had done... That was perhaps all the more terrible, that not only had Loki done this thing, but the Avengers knew of it. They may not have all the same customs as Asgardians but surely they could not help but think even less of Loki than they already did.

Just like the whispers that had spread from the Einherjar after Loki's invasion of Midgard, after Odin's sentencing, _Laufeyson._ No one on Asgard had looked at Loki the same way since then, and they didn't even know the worst of it, Loki's terrible fall.

His hand slipped, he was distracted, he made a mistake - a hundred times Thor had made excuses in his own mind, a thousand times, but he was starting to think that maybe Loki was just-- that Loki spat in the face of the Norns and truly was nothing more than what the whispers said.

And despite that, the memory of Loki falling still made Thor want to do nothing but weep.

He sat in his rooms with his head in his hands, his thoughts chasing around and around like hounds chasing their own tails.

Not again. Not again. Not again.

Stark's machine told him that Tony would speak to him, if he allowed it, and Thor was silent for several moments. He did not trust his own temper. He felt raw, like a skinned deer. He did not remember what it felt like not to be drowning in anger and grief.

 _Very well,_ he finally said, barely bothering to lift his head from his hands. _Send him to me._

#


End file.
